Someone Actually Willing To Marry A Violist

Tilson, NY – Someone has voluntarily agreed to take the hand of a professional viola player in marriage, according to a source close to Submediant who wished to remain anonymous

The wedding takes place this weekend in upstate New York, marking the first time on record a freely consenting adult has chosen to tie the knot with a person who has spent the majority of her sad life sawing into an awkwardly large piece of carved wood sticking out of her neck.